Handout: The Big Picture

Handout: The Big Picture

Look inward. We often think our partner is the source of pain, so we avoid looking at our contribution. Take time to answer following questions:

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Most people want great results with as little effort as possible, this is natural and understandable. It is what the emotional brain wants – a big pay off with minimal efforts. But in adult relationships, it takes persistent effort to evolve. Creating a good relationship is not one decision. It is hundreds of decisions. It is like going to the gym. You don't get fitter by simply joining the gym and becoming a member. You need to take that effort every time and acually go there and work out. Otherwise there are no results. In the case of your relationship, you decide every time you want to blame your partner without thinking through a better way to say something or understanding your partner’s struggle. So – what will be required of you to create a flourishing relationship?
For example: „I don't listen well when I hear something that seems judgmental.“ Or: „I seek to be understood before I try to understand my partner.“ If you don’t know what some of your blocks are, your partner may be glad to mention a few.
For example: attack, get aggressive, blame, become furious vs curious, withdraw, disengage, get passive, go into resentful compliance, don’t bring up sensitive topics, etc.
This aspiration puts you in integrity with your higher self. Write how you aspire to be during the discussion of a sensitive topic.
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